I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I touched a dick in church today
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
