So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
