I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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