I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize