Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
