I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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