Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
