When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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