remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize