Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
