I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
