Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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