so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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