i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
