i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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