At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
