dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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