we have pet lesbian snakes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
