ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There are leaves in my underwear?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
