Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma

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  (513): He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma http://tfl.nu/x4vk
  Replies (16) Good night (897) Bad night (3723)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...

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  (519): she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up... http://tfl.nu/djzy
  Replies (19) Good night (775) Bad night (9758)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety

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  (978): I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety http://tfl.nu/5zfx
  Replies (7) Good night (2535) Bad night (1073)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin

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  (919): He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin http://tfl.nu/8jd6
  Replies (17) Good night (2927) Bad night (1069)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.

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  (228): yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight. http://tfl.nu/g16n
  Replies (10) Good night (3505) Bad night (1624)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand

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  (678): Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand http://tfl.nu/u3cn
  Replies (5) Good night (871) Bad night (2332)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.

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  (914): I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder. http://tfl.nu/btge
  Replies (7) Good night (2512) Bad night (902)
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  (949): View more from California

  Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.

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  (949): Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless. http://tfl.nu/j4zx
  Replies (4) Good night (2190) Bad night (547)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.

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  (206): You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship. http://tfl.nu/k0v9
  Replies (3) Good night (608) Bad night (1016)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game

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  (512): He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game http://tfl.nu/mfd2
  Replies (13) Good night (1904) Bad night (422)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!

  (503): View more from Oregon

  ... That's a shower caddy.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.

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  (541): You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever! (503): ... That's a shower caddy. (541): I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation. http://tfl.nu/svbx
  Replies (11) Good night (3310) Bad night (663)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out

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  (703): Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out http://tfl.nu/d2ci
  Replies (8) Good night (2379) Bad night (780)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol

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  (317): Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol http://tfl.nu/rsq8
  Replies (8) Good night (963) Bad night (292)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."

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  (478): I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions." http://tfl.nu/mmu9
  Replies (4) Good night (709) Bad night (336)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.

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  (406): Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row. http://tfl.nu/j0up
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (218)

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