I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.