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And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Randomize
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