Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(605): View more from South Dakota

was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?

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(605): was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her? http://tfl.nu/02kh

Replies (9) Good night (2750) Bad night (708)
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(954): View more from Florida

Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.

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(954): Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube. http://tfl.nu/0ubi

Replies (38) Good night (737) Bad night (4742)
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(631): View more from New York

I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...

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(631): I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms... http://tfl.nu/vz7o

Replies (27) Good night (1796) Bad night (2384)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Since when is my name a synonym for head?

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(908): Since when is my name a synonym for head? http://tfl.nu/s1ks

Replies (40) Good night (3621) Bad night (1434)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

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(541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf

Replies (16) Good night (7387) Bad night (944)
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(510): View more from California

I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.

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(510): I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life. http://tfl.nu/v2uu

Replies (5) Good night (1179) Bad night (2732)
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(720): View more from Colorado

My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever

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(720): My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever http://tfl.nu/wkge

Replies (6) Good night (3359) Bad night (679)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.

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(304): I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home. http://tfl.nu/3pgq

Replies (31) Good night (627) Bad night (2376)
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(208): View more from Idaho

WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!

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(208): WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY! http://tfl.nu/ts4x

Replies (7) Good night (1057) Bad night (1273)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.

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(203): ...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus. http://tfl.nu/rgdm

Replies (4) Good night (851) Bad night (434)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.

(802): View more from Vermont

'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'

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(802): Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday. (802): 'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!' http://tfl.nu/efoo

Replies (3) Good night (992) Bad night (342)
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(813): View more from Florida

Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?

(813): View more from Florida

Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?

(1-813): View more from Florida

Stop reading WebMD high.

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(813): Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around? (813): Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid? (1-813): Stop reading WebMD high. http://tfl.nu/y2j5

Replies (6) Good night (1164) Bad night (401)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.

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(617): I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final. http://tfl.nu/105u

Replies (0) Good night (704) Bad night (319)
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(905): View more from Ontario

Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???

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(905): Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball??? http://tfl.nu/u0wc

Replies (4) Good night (596) Bad night (328)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.

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(423): New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class. http://tfl.nu/ex1j

Replies (0) Good night (342) Bad night (354)

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