No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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