i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
