just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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