Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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