i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i out mim tonsoeep
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
