FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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