You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
