After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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