If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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