Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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