laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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