I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
