no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize