i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
