that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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