My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize