what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
