I must be too annoying 4 u.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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