Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
