Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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