i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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