Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
