please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
