I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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