The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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