it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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