Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
