I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am available for nakedness
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
