I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
