Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
