someone owes me an orgasm
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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