guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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