my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
