hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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