I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
