Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
