Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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