you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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