This is not my ceiling
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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