You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
