All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!