I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
