Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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