I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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