i love accidental penises.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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