We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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