Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
