I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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