You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
