If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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