In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i now understand why vodka
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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