I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
