I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well you can't waste a boner
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
