He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
