i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
