If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
